I was talking with someone the other day who had recently visited a couple of people with Alzheimer's disease. She confessed to me that she wasn't sure what to say to them or how to make her visits with them meaningful. Knowing her as I do, I'm sure she did a great job, but it got me thinking about the answer to that dilemma. How indeed do you make the time you spend with a loved one who has Alzheimer's or another dementia meaningful?
For me, the answer shifts a bit depending on what stage of Alzheimer's that person is in. Our approach to someone who's just been diagnosed should be different than when we're interacting with someone in the late stages. One thing that holds true, though, no matter who that person is or what stage they're in, is that we need to offer ourselves genuinely during our time with them. We need to set aside our random, distracted thoughts and really be there with them. Their memory might not be the best, but they can often feel our distractedness or our hurriedness.
With this in mind, here are some tips on how to make the most of those visits:
7 Tips for Visiting People in the Early Stages of Alzheimer's
10 Tips for Visiting People in the Middle Stages of Alzheimer's
6 Tips for Visiting People with Late Stage Alzheimer's
How to Talk to Someone With Dementia
I hope these suggestions are helpful for you. Feel free to comment below with other ideas or thoughts.
I don’t know how often we have been visiting in a public room when a son or daughter would sit down with a parent and ask them how lunch was (or a similar question). Often the parent didn’t remember eating lunch, so right away he is anxious. Conversation-as-we-know-it is often not a pleasurable pastime for one whose short term memory is no longer working. A ‘trick’ that has always worked well for us when visiting is to bring something to do. An age- and stage-appropriate activity will engage a person in the middle and later stages of Alzheimer’s disease as a seemingly simple conversation can not. A puzzle (10 – 20 piece with a grown-up type picture), a simple art project or game, a picture or activity book; all of these things allow the person with Alzheimer’s to exist in and to enjoy the moment. Then allow the activity and the doing to dictate the conversation.
I got interested in designing supportive environments for the victims of Alzheimer’s when my own father suffered from this tragic disease. At the time, my 4 year old son asked, “does Pop have a memory problem?” He was willing to spend time with my Dad, and played clapping games with him (mimic patterns). I realized that if my 4 year old could figure it out, I should be able to, also. Your comment about getting in a space with fewer distractions is a good one. Acoustics are important in all Senior facilities, and even more so in a memory care neighborhood. Designers sometimes are fixated on making the space beautiful (which it should be) without worrying about the effects of the environment on the people who inhabit those spaces. Stay positive, hold hands, be patient, talk about the old days. There are good moments amid the anxiety and frustration. Good Luck to all!