Offering support to a friend or relative who has been told they has life changing and life-limiting illness can be hard. You are having to deal with your sadness and shock too. We are all good at avoiding or putting off the more difficult things. But it is important, so here are my 10 tips for starting the support process:
Arm yourself with knowledge
The more you understand about a condition the better equipped you will be to support someone. This and many other websites provide a great way to learn about Alzheimer's.
Don't avoid talking about the illness
You will soon know if a person wants to discuss something. You can help them by listening and showing them that you want to support them. Listen and ask questions that enable them to continue with the conversation if they want to. Reassure them that it is alright for them to tell you how they feel. Your love and support is so important.
Ask open questions
In other words, ask questions that require a sentence rather than a yes or no answer.
Don't avoid the person
Alzheimer's is a slow progressive disease. People don't change overnight so by cutting them off or suddenly reducing contact you'll simply make your friend or relative feel even worse. Avoidance makes it harder to contact people later as you feel embarrassed and a bit guilty that you have not been to visit. If you simply cannot visit, use the telephone. Arrange a date and time to visit, it also makes avoidance less easy!
Longer Term Support
Help the person have as full a life as possible. Continue with the activities you have always done together. You can support and help them out with things they find confusing or difficult. If the old activities become too difficult or remind them too much of what they have lost because of their illness, then find a new activity. Choose an activity that stretches them but is not demeaning or likely to undermine their confidence.
Expect change
Your approach might have to change as your relative or friend's physical and mental abilities decrease. Their ability to understand, process information, express themselves and their ability to concentrate on tasks will change.
Stay Cool
Sometimes people with Alzheimer's become frustrated and angry. Maybe they won't be able to articulate why - it's more an overwhelming sense of irritation mixed with confusion. These are all signs of the condition so don't take it personally and try not to react in kind as it will simply raise the temperature and solve nothing.
Look after yourself
If you are the main carer it is easy to fall into the trap of giving everything over to care and forgetting about yourself. Ultimately this probably isn't good for you or the person you are caring for. Find out about short-term support locally. Get involved with support groups. Every little helps. Even if this idea seems alien you should make contingency plans in case you become ill or incapacitated.
Don't take over
Remember, just because someone has Alzheimer's disease does not mean that people have to take over decision making, choices and responsibity from them.
As you would like to be treated
See the person first, not the illness. Know that your help, love and support is invaluable.
