Reader's Story
Please note that this is a personal story submitted by an About.com reader.
My grandmother, at the age of 83, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2005. It is truly a heart-breaking situation. Grandma chose to spend the last years of her life in an assisted living facility, over 9 hours away. At first, I was angry that she chose to die so far away, but she has the right to choose how to spend her last years. And I am still angry.
I am angry at this disease that is killing my grandmother, I am angry that the general public is not up in arms about the fact that this disease afflicts so many, and I am angry at a society that almost expects the elderly to have this dehumanizing disease. I am angry that my grandmother, who survived cancer, and the death of her husband is now left to die in a nursing home. I am angry my own children will never know this lady. And I am full of rage at the fact, that one day, she won't know me, either.
Since Grandma lives in another state, I call her every few days, and I send her as many beautiful cards as I can. She knows who I am when I call her, and she loves hearing from me, but I can tell that she is fading away. That is the vicious part about the Alzheimer's, it's robbing my grandmother of her ability to communicate, and her memories of her beloved grandchildren. I see the anguish that my father, her only son, has over seeing his mother deteriorating, and I see the fear he has that one day, he might be afflicted by it as well.
The naive, and the ignorant tell me that I am being overly dramatic. But, I have my CNA license, and I have worked on a dementia unit. I have the cruelty this disease has, and how it ends. If there is one bitter mercy about this disease, it is the fact that Grandma is no longer aware of how much she has faded. She is generally content, and has the wonderful innocence of a child. She seems to be at peace. And, there is the small acts she does, that shows she is still with me.
There are some things that Alzheimer's can't destroy. My grandmother still loves. My father went to visit her, and he brought back some beautiful, if! simply made beaded bracelets she had made for me. Grandma and I have always shared a strong faith in God. Despite her decline, she still beaded a cross into the bracelet. I have it sitting on the Bible she gave me. Alzheimer's can't destroy the bonds between people. Whether Grandma remembers me, or not, it will never change the fact that she is my grandmother, and that I love her. Alzheimer's can't destroy faith.
If I view this disease as nothing but my grandmother rotting away, then, of course, I will have the same futility and despair that is normal in the situation. But, if I view it as preparation for her to meet the Lord, it makes the situation bearable. If I picture Grandma healed in heaven, it makes the situation hopeful, despite the agony of the journey to get there. If there is one lesson I have learned throughout this, it would be that love is something that can't be destroyed by suffering, and the only thing that we really have to hold onto in the face of this horrible disease is love.
Hielo can be contacted by e mail God_called_me@yahoo.com
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