My Mother, My Child

Please note that this is a personal story submitted by an About.com reader.

When did it all start? That is a question I wonder about many times. Of course my mom is forgetting things, she is growing older. It's a senior thing if she puts the pepper in the refrigerator. so what! She is only getting senile. Everyone forgets things as we get older, don't we make more notes the older we get? I know I don't go to the grocery store or Wal-Mart without a list. I make myself notes at work to remember things. Post-it were made for this purpose.

As the saying goes, "what goes around comes around" and being a caregiver you will find yourself becoming a parent to the parent and the parent becoming the child. That empty nest you once lived in now is opened to fill the needs of your parent.

It is a very sad and long road and it has many turns. At first it seems like the parent is just getting old and forgetful but as time goes on more things are forgotten and never remembered. You know in your heart something has happened but you don't want to acknowledge this to yourself. Your parent isn't there for you anymore and now you must be there for your parent. It is cruel and sad and it takes awhile for you to realize that your parent's brain is slowly dying, cell by cell with each passing day. You wondered why life has been so merciless. The only peace you have now is knowing that your parent doesn't know what is really happening sitting in that bubble world called Alzheimer/Dementia.

I have learned to take each day one at a time. I can wake up one day and find my mom to be more alert than the day before. I sometimes like to believe there are wires inside the brain that break loose and sometimes touch again for awhile and some memory comes back.

I get up at 5 am and I don't go to work until 7:45 am. I now understand that first you need to take care of your own needs. Sitting down and having a cup of coffee, taking your shower etc. and I realize if I put on old clothes until I am done with my mom I don't get my work clothes all wet and wrinkled. Once I am finished what I need to do for myself then I wake my mom and walk her slowly to the shower. I need to hold her hand to steady her in the morning. She now needs a few hours once she is awake to wake up. She wakes like a new born baby soaked to the bone. Once she is in the shower I have learned to point to each item I want her to remove. This helps because she really doesn't understand what I am saying and I have found myself repeating it over and over so it is much easier pointing and just saying "take this off" a few words at a time is easier once a parent has reach this stage.

I know now that communication is the hardest thing for her so I use a few words and hand signs that helps my mom and me to communicate. It is much easier than me repeating myself and getting upset. When my mom is showering I will touch an arm/leg and say "wash here". I have discovered that letting her do as much as she can for herself is good for both of us. Once she is done showering I let her dry herself as much as she is capable of doing. I do what I need to do to help but I let her do what she can so she won't feel so helpless. I have gone on the internet and found a great site for clothes for people with needs. The articles I ordered have helped more than I can proclaim. The site is www.buckandbuck.com

Once her shower, and putting her clothes and depend on is finished I help walk her to her wheelchair. Sitting her in a wheelchair was one of my greatest discoveries. She can see things better since she is sitting up higher than when she is in a living room chair. I can push her closer to the television and she doesn't slide down like she did in one of my chairs. When she was in a regular chair it was really hard getting her up. Sometimes she doesn't even know what I was asking of her and other times she just couldn't get up. Now all I need to do is wheel her from one room to the other.

I can now sit her in front of the sliding doors to look outside for awhile or sit her outside for some fresh air without the fear of her walking away, which I found out she will do if left alone for only a few minutes. I ordered a tray for the wheelchair and tie the tray in the back so she can't push it onto her legs. The tray is a good place to rest her arms. I found she is more comfortable this way. I let her feed herself as much as possible. Dignity means a lot to everyone.

My mom used to love to crotchet and one day before leaving for work I gave her a knitting needle and a ball of yarn with a few chain stitches already started for her. When I came home later and found the yarn all knotted up. This really hurt because my mom was someone who spent hours knitting. I thought maybe she could spend time looking though some magazines and I returned to pieces all over the floor around her chair.